Who are you?

by Anna Warwick

I read the books The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle* late last year and I completely agreed with Mr Tolle’s philosophy that the moment is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is an illusion, and right now is WHERE IT’S AT, BABY.

I resolved that I would henceforth release my ego. Just like Eckhart, I would learn to detach from the stories and defined selves of my mind and just BE. I set out to train my mind as if it were a voracious lapdog/elephantine monster and I were its owner - a serene omnipotent being without mind-constructed emotions. I would become my higher self and live in a state of fearless bliss.

It’s amazing how much work it takes to train the mind. For me it’s a constant vigil! It's like this: I will make an observaton and instantly my mind will make up a little story about this observation. For example: I slept in = I am a lazy person; it’s a sunny day = I'd rather go outside than work right now, therefore I am a bum.

Already my day has little suitcases in tow. And that terrifies me because "they say" that where your attention goes your energy flows... so I have to put the baggage down and force my mind to make pretty pictures.

George Orwell underestimated the mind control thing. In this day and age we are our own Big Brothers. We have to be! Outsourcing your brainwashing doesn't really work any more, does it? You might say it backfires. Latching on to what the world's meglomaniacs would have you think makes for scary thoughts. Comparing yourself to their ideals? Depressing. Living up to their standards? Impossible!

My tools for forcing my mind to attach happy stories (because let’s face it, I am light years away from having a still mind and being at one with pure consciousness) to my observations are work, exercise and meditation and visualization.

My mind loves to do work, because then it can wave a little flag around saying “HAHA SEE - I AM A WRITER! Hallelujah I have meaning!”
While the omnipotent me benefits most from exercise via the connection with nature, my mind attaches happy little meanings like “I’m good, I'm fit, I'm disciplined, I’m so brave for jumping into that freezing water” etc.
If I’m stressed I can change my mind with guided meditations and positive thoughts “I am calm, effective, abundant and even my wildest dreams come true.” Here’s a nice ten minute Angel Meditation that you can do at your desk.
Visualisation is also amazing. It's true that if I imagine myself in this or that wonderful situation, my circumstances change like magic. Here's a geat video on effective visualisation.

Now that I've put a leash on my mind it's hard to say who I am anymore, because I know it's not a fixed thing. I just make it up as I go along. I’ve had some funny experiences lately, like a confusing conversation with an inquisitive fellow at a party. I gave him my name and age but he wanted more information. I answered his questions about what I do (or rather what I can do), my age, and my relationship status. When pressed to describe who I really, really was deep down I was at a loss for words. How do you say, “Deep down I believe, and dearly hope, that I am pure universal consciousness and so are you...”? I wound up saying, “Uh, what you see is what you get.”

At first the inquisitive fellow became quite cross and suspicious. But I wasn’t being perverse, I really felt quite blank and undefined. Like a lump of clay with makeup and high heels on. To help him out I adopted the definition an author friend of mine told me he uses in a pinch: "I’m an entertainer.”

He said, “No you’re not, you’re a writer” and then he got on a roll: “You’re really intelligent. You’re the most intelligent girl here...” I just smiled and continued to jump around on the spot to a pop tune that was being played. Every other girl at the party was doing the same thing, or dancing more vigorously, or playing stacks on.

After defining me at great length, the fellow then defined himself. The conversation began to get serious. I wanted to dance and be silly with my friends. My slightly plump inquisitor declined to dance and instead stood awkwardly by.

I decided this man required a new definition so I went over and told him, “You know, you’re very cute.”
He put his arm around me.
I said, “I’m not flirting with you, I just think you should know that you’re cute.”
He beamed and, new definition in mind, he started to dance.

And then we were just dancing.

:)

If you'd like to know more about Eckhart Tolle watch this video where he talks about detaching from content and says (more or less): do not seek for yourself in content or form; form is cool and fun but it’s not real, it’s just a game.